The future is always changing..

I wake up some mornings, and realise., no1 is there, my husband, my parents, my puppy, my brother.. Everything in life that was meaningfull has suddenly disappeared..
And I am alone, i feel empty, i long to go back to where i belong, i feel lonely, a lonliness caused due to unbearable level of separation from all those i love.. 

Moving 1000's of miles away from home has definitely been hard.. It was my decission, it was my dream and there is no turning back.. And I definitely love this place, the new friends, the appartment mates, the work mates, the climate, the lifestyle and everything, but yet..,  

Today was 1 such day, when i woke up feeling lonely.. And then i kept wondering what it meant to be alone or lonely.. Being alone is not the same as being lonely for sure.. There are plenty of loners who happly chose solitude as a way of life.. Writers, philosophers, composers etc.. I happened to read somewhere that an author, believes that some people need to be alone for their hobbies and creativity to emerge..

People also believe you need to be alone and away from distraction to find solutions to your problems and to do things or to do good.. There is always another day for your distractions.. True maybe.. And Yes ofcourse there are times, when we just want to be alone and wonder somewhere quite and peacefull and do nothing, just let our minds wonder too or maybe think or sometimes just relaxe..

But you know what i think, there is no other day, everyday is like this, everyday is a crisis, everyday there shall be problems., and there is always things to worry about, small, big, unpaid bills, work problems, health problems etc etc... and i am not going to spend every minute or hour of my everyday running behind those problems, you have to just make time for everything important in life..

There are people i have seen in my own field, great Scientists, who have dedicated their life or i'd say 'are married to science or whatever they work on'.... Ok eventually you do extraordinarily in life, you become a great scientist, you are all dedicated to work, heart and mind.. But then what..?!? Is that all one wants..?!? No love, no life, no family, no happiness, no outside world, no1 to go back home to, no1 by your side when you get old or sick, no time..

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future., but in the bigger picture, what matters the most..?

Having said that, also, makes me wonder, what is our priority in life, work..?!?! goals..?!? relationships..?!? family..?!?!

Cause at the end of the day, all that really matters or all I really want is to be close to somebody., want to love and to be loved., want to be assured that i am not alone and shall never be alone., need to share., and just want to remain close, through thick and thin., and stick by..
I think my world is a better place with time and space for loved ones in it..

The future is the home of our deepest fears and hopes.. And when the future reveils itself it is always going to be completely different from what we wish it to be..